Q & A

For New Folx

What is CPI/The Mark?

CPI is a Tennessee non-profit membership corporation formed in 2004 to run "The Mark" -- Nashville's only BDSM/Kink/Fetish Community Center.

Where is The Mark? I can't find your address... Where are you?

We don't publish our address widely. CPI is a private, members-only organization and, as such, entry to play parties at The Mark is limited to its members and their guests.

I have RSVP'd as "going" to a play party at The Mark... I'm good to go, right?

You are if you are a CPI member or attend as the guest of a member. Otherwise, you will be turned away.

Do you have play parties when non-members without member-sponsors may attend?

No. ALL play parties at The Mark require CPI membership or the sponsorship of a current CPI member to attend.

Where do I find the membership form and can I apply and pay online?

Membership applications must be completed and paid for in-person at The Mark. Not only do we need to verify from your government-issued photo ID that you are at least 21, but we require that your member-sponsor sign your form.

But I don't know any members to sponsor me.

We offer monthly munches and weekly classes that are open to anyone, allowing you the opportunity to meet our members and make friends with those who may sponsor you as their guest. Our first-Friday or third-Saturday Welcome Munch (open to anyone 18+) and third-Friday Fresh Kink Nashville Munch (FKN is for ages 18-30) are intended for new folx looking for their way into The Mark. First-time attendees receive free admission and a comprehensive tour of The Mark afterwards -- if they behave!

What's a "munch"?

A munch is an informal gathering of like-minded people at a public restaurant, where you can meet and speak with current members and management. For more information on what to expect, this article is fairly accurate.

Do I need to RSVP or get some sort of approval before attending a CPI munch?

Nope! Just show up.

But I work on Friday and Saturday nights and can't attend your munches.

Well how about our Welcome Orientation — without a munch — held right before our fourth-Tuesday “Week Night Kink Night” play party at The Mark? Like the after-munch orientations, you’ll be provided a presentation and tour… and then a free night with and an opportunity to complete a membership application, if your still on your best behavior.

What if I’m not quite ready for a membership?

How about a class then? You don't have to be a member or have a member-sponsor to attend -- just be over 18 -- and we offer educational events every Wednesday evening and on several Saturday and Sunday afternoons each month. (See our Education FAQ and Resource List for more information on our educational program and the individual class discussion posts for specific class information.)

Can I become a member at a class?

No, not currently; but we have in the past and may revisit that again in the future.

How do I become a member?

You will need to complete the application form onsite and pay the membership fee -- $40 for six months -- but, more importantly, you will need a current member-sponsor (who you've probably know already since you've made it in the door!).

What is your minimum age for membership?

Our minimum age for membership is 21 per Metro Nashville’s “sex club ordinance”.

So those 18-20 can’t visit?

Yes, they can… They just can’t be members. Our minimum age to attend any of our events -- munches, classes, social events, and play parties -- is 18. But, since play parties are limited to CPI members and their guests, those 18-20 will need member-sponsors to attend those.

I’m almost 18!

Sorry. Minors inside The Mark are forbidden... without exception. Be sure and bring your government-issued photo ID since we check everyone's age at every event.

Am I too old?

With the exception of our Fresh Kink Nashville (FKN) events, which are limited to our young adults, aged 18-30, we don't care how old you are!

Are alcohol or drugs allowed?

Nope and nope. CPI is a consent-based organization and The Mark is a consent-based facility, Obviously, consent is important to us and you can't give proper consent when intoxicated or high, so we don't allow alcohol or drugs on our property.

Can I drink or get high beforehand? It helps me loosen up.

The Mark is truly a low-pressure social environment, with a community known widely as being welcoming and friendly! While being a bit nervous and anxious are common on your first visit, most soon learn that they don't need the crutches of alcohol or drugs to be social and have a good time. No, we can't control what you do beforehand... however, if we suspect that you are less than sober, you will get a warning from management who will determine whether you may stay or must leave immediately... and whether you'll be allowed back.

How much do your events cost? For a single male? For a single female? For a couple?

Weekend parties cost $20/$25 per person (member/non-member) no matter what the event, your gender, or relationship status. We do not discriminate. Classes range from $0-$10 depending on our costs. So be sure and check the applicable post.

We are a committed monogamous couple... is that okay?

Yes! We have members who identify as monogamous. Others are in polyamorous, swinging, or open relationships. Many others are in no relationship at all. Our clientele value and respect the individual and the diversity of their choice of interpersonal ethical relationships.

Do I have to participate or may I just watch?

As a consent-based organization, it is up to you to determine what level of participation is right for you. There is never any expectation for anyone to do anything. So, yes, just watching is fine... as is not watching at all!

Do I have to use my real name?

Pick a name and that is what our folks will call you. Real or fabricated, nobody will know unless you tell them! (Do note that we require a "member name" other than your legal name for the membership ledger should you decide to apply for CPI membership.)

As a submissive, do I have to serve everyone there?

No, you choose your level of interaction and with whom you interact. Nobody will pressure you otherwise. This goes for everyone, submissive or not.

Is it safe for single women to attend on their own?

Absolutely! All, female or not, accompanied or solo, are welcome and safe at The Mark.

Is a single man welcome? Or do I need a date to fit in?

Come on out! We are a very friendly and welcoming bunch! Besides, the best place to find kinky friends (and relationship partners) is in a group of real people looking for the same!

But, I'm trans, gender-queer, or otherwise non-binary... What about me?

We value individual difference and defend the right to self-identification/expression in all its forms. And we "walk the talk" by providing Safe Zone LGBTQIA+ awareness and ally training for our kink community, Nashville, and Middle Tennessee.

It's usually the case that straight men and straight/bi women are welcome at sex clubs... What about the rest of us?

Since we recognize that inclusivity and diversity make ours a better and stronger community, we don't discriminate on the basis of sexual/romantic orientation (or lack thereof) and welcome everyone at The Mark! In fact, the majority of the CPI community and a super-majority of our volunteer management and staff identify in some way other than straight.

Being that the kinky people I see in movies or on TV seem to all be white, will I be welcome at The Mark as a kinky person of color?

BDSM is for everyone. Period. But we know that kinksters of color face unique and systemic barriers when trying to get their kink on. We work hard to mitigate those impacts with anti-racism training for our volunteers, PoC-led/PoC-centered programming, and prioritizing representation at all levels of our organization.

Okay, but I don't look like the fetish models or porn stars I see on the internet. Will I be out of place?

We are a body-positive group of people of all different shapes, sizes, abilities, and ages. We love the mix!

What if I use mobility aids like a wheelchair, walker, crutches, etc.?

The Mark is fully ADA-accessible; but we take great pride in recognizing that the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) guidelines are merely a starting point for access and work to go beyond them at every opportunity!

Is sex allowed?

Sex, in all its many forms, is most certainly allowed at The Mark! In fact, we have offered a safer sex-positive space since we opened The Mark in 2005! We are a "safer-sex" facility and provide everything you might need for safer sex play -- but it's up to you to define what that means to you and your partner(s).

Are there private rooms?

No, the play space is basically one big, open room. We don’t have private rooms for many reasons, but the main reason is that we can’t ensure safer play if we can’t see it. Besides, we are all voyeurs!

Do you have a dress code?

Enforcing a specific dress code can stifle creativity, culture, and individuality. Instead, we simply ask that you help make The Mark a special place to be by wearing whatever makes you feel special! Common dress includes: formal, cocktail, club, business casual, lingerie, leather, latex, rubber, PVC, metal, glam, raver, drag, retro, uniform, cosplay, or nothing at all! When in doubt, wear black. If you have any specific questions, please ask.

Do you have toys to use/buy/rent?

When you visit our facility for the first time, you'll notice that The Mark is very clean -- in fact, that is our most frequent compliment! As such, loaning or renting toys does not fit within our hygiene model, so we don't. And, as we don't have or want a retail license, we don't sell anything, toys or otherwise. That said, if you would like to add to your toy collection, our Annual Vendor Fair -- held on The Mark's Anniversary Weekend (the third weekend in September) -- is an event you must attend!

Are there professional tops/bottoms/dominants/submissives, etc. that I may hire for play?

We do not allow such play-for-pay, nor do we allow any form of criminalized sex work to take place at The Mark either.

What if I see someone at The Mark who I know?

Guess what? They are there too and both of you are covered by the confidentiality agreement you signed when you entered. It does happen on rare occasions, but it tends to be more awkward than problematic.

But I have too much to lose since I'm famous, I'm a minister/teacher/therapist/etc, my work requires a security clearance/morality clause, I'm going through divorce/custody/etc...

Life is inherently risky and a kinky life is no different. Everyone who attends events at The Mark must determine to what degree they are comfortable with risk and exposure. CPI takes your privacy and discretion very seriously -- as do most in our community -- and takes great steps to keep your identity safe. That said, everyone mentioned above are CPI members and regularly visit The Mark, having weighed the risk and found effective ways to navigate their perceived personal/professional liabilities safely and ethically.

May I bring friends with me?

Once you become a member, yes, you may bring guests.

I am new to all of this... How can I learn more?

Our classes, workshops, and trainings are great for learning! And learning is something we take very seriously. Please visit our Education FAQ and Resource List to learn more about learning! (We've even included the vetted booklist of the titles in our onsite resource library!)

I've been kinky online, but never in real life... Is that okay? Will I be made fun of?

Most all of us started that way and we remember how scary (and exciting) the transition was. Since kink is about people and interpersonal relationships, you're only going to grow by getting away from the keyboard...and we try our best to make integrating into the local community as easy as possible.

I have heard that The Mark is a meat market/unfriendly/unsafe/dirty/cliquish/etc. What's with that?

There will always be those who will tell you anything to get you to a hotel room or other private space for nefarious purposes, rather than to a venue where there are Play Space Monitors (PSMs) to ensure your safety. Consider carefully what they say, especially if they have never visited with us themselves. Oh... And ask for references... And check them!

I have no interest in public play, so why bother?

Even though you may not have any interest in playing outside the home, you have much to gain from joining our community. There is great value in learning from others via formal and informal educational opportunities, being in the company of those who understand, feeling part of a bigger whole, and adding to the safety net that community provides. In fact, many people will arrange their first in-person meeting of an online person of interest at The Mark, just for the safety it provides... and since most predators know to avoid us.

But I have more questions…

Most of the questions we receive have their answers on this website, our FetGroup, or in our other social media; but, if not, please feel free to post your question to the group or contact us directly -- Info@TheMarkByCPI.org.

You have other social media?

We do! And each has a specific role to play:

• This website provides our strategic content that rarely changes and is our main outward face.
• FetLife is for our tactical content, event calendar, party planning, and general discussion.
• Instagram (@TheMarkByCPI) is where we display more timely visual content and show more of our advocate/activist side.
• YouTube (@TheMarkByCPI) is used for educational/instructional videos, virtual tours, classes, and the like.
• And our email list provides special no-spam notices to folks who want super important information sent straight to their inbox. (This email list will also serve as an emergency communication channel should FetLife ever go belly up or we get kicked off everything else!)

For Not-So-New Folx

Can I renew my existing membership online?

Yes, renewals may be accomplished via PayPal using the payment address of “donations@themarkbycpi.org”. Please include an extra $1 for every $10 spent to cover our PayPal costs and include your member name (not legal name) and/or member number, to make sure we credit the correct person! And, please note, that membership renewals, like new memberships, take about a few days to process.

What does a membership renewal cost?

Memberships are $40 for six months ($80 for 12 months, $120 for 18, etc.) or you can purchase a lifetime membership for $800 and never renew again!

What is a provisional membership?

Applying for membership (with a member-sponsor) and paying your membership dues will result in a unique member number and initial "provisional" member status after the Metro-required 48-hour waiting period. Full member status is only achieved after a vote by the membership present at the CPI Members Meeting (held at The Mark on fifth Wednesdays, when they occur).

How does a provisional membership differ from full/regular membership?

Provisional members have all the rights and privileges of CPI membership, except that they can not renew their membership, nor can they take part in CPI Member Meetings and votes, until they themselves have been voted in as full/regular members.

What happens if I am not approved for regular membership at the CPI Member Meeting?

Although EXTREMELY rare -- as we try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt during those first six months (and it's Metro's requirement not ours) -- you will be notified and not allowed to renew until approved. You aren't banned from The Mark or CPI events, but you can't sponsor guests and you will have to pay the non-current member door fee when your membership eventually expires. You will also remain on the list of provisional members to approve at the next meeting, so you'll have plenty of time to correct faults that were brought forward and communicated to you.

Why should I be a member?

Members have entry fees reduced for evening events by $5. (This means that if you visit with us just once a month, the membership will pay for itself!) In addition, members don't require member-sponsors, don’t have to complete a new Consent Agreement every time they visit, and may sponsor their own guests. But perhaps, more importantly, memberships help keep the doors open for other people to find us and have a safe place to be themselves! Oh... And you may also purchase a nifty membership card (for an additional $10.)

I didn't get a membership card.

Did you indicate on your membership form that you wanted one? And pay the additional $10? 99% of the time, folx who don't get a card, didn't actually ask that one be made for them. And since questions come up so often regarding cards, we have a special Membership Card FAQ!

May I complete the membership form, pay my dues, and sponsor a guest on the same night/weekend?

No, since at this point you have only applied for membership and are not actually a member yet. Approval and assignment of your initial provisional membership occurs during the following week and no sooner than the Metro-required 48-hour waiting period. This is why we do not discount your door fee that night. Door discounts and secondary perks engage only once you are recorded in the membership database.

As a member, how many guests may I sponsor?

Current members in good standing (including provisional members) may sponsor as many guests as they feel they can be responsible for. Be warned, however, that we will go straight to you if one of your guests violates a rule and, if the infraction is serious enough, your membership could be revoked.

I am a current member. Do I have to be present to sponsor guests?

Yes. As their member-sponsor, you'll need to sign their Consent Agreement. And as they won't be able to proceed past the front desk without your signature, be sure to arrive before your guest and make yourself available upon their arrival.

A more comprehensive explanation of guest policies can be found in our guest policy post on FetLife.

I've been to The Mark before, but am not a member. Do I need a sponsor to attend again?

If you've never been a member, you'll need a member-sponsor to attend a play party; but anyone may attend any of our munches, classes, or discussion groups. You may wish to consider becoming a member!

I have been a member, but my membership expired. Do I need a sponsor or attend a munch/class/orientation to come back?

If your membership has expired, you are listed in our records as an inactive member. You may visit on your own, but you'll have to pay the non-member door fee unless you renew your membership upon arrival. And, of course, you’ll need to remember your unique member name (not legal name) or member number.

I have been a member, but my membership has expired and I want to attend AND bring guests. How can I make that happen?

No worries, just renew online via PayPal (see above) or renew at the play party before you check your guests in.

Are food and/or drinks allowed in The Mark?

Non-alcoholic drinks are allowed anywhere in The Mark (as long as they are in non-glass containers). Food is only allowed in the social area, unless you have a valid medical need or MoD/PSM permission to take food into the play space.

Any other housekeeping rules I should know?

Just a few things: Don't use cellphones in the play space... Keep conversation volume low... Clean anything you might have left DNA on... You are free to move most things around, but put them back when you are done... Don't use more than one blanket a night... Put used blankets and common-use rope in the yellow laundry hampers when you leave... Don't put anything other than blankets and rope in the hampers... Take off your heels before stepping on mats or padded furniture... Leave your play space how you found it... We recycle paper, plastic, and aluminum cans -- help us!

What are The Mark's hours?

That depends on the event... Wednesday evening classes/forums/discussion groups are from 7:00 to 9:00. Weekend class times vary widely, so check the relevant discussion posts for details. Friday and Saturday play parties are typically from 8:00 p.m. until 2:00 a.m. Sunday through Thursday play parties (when we have them) are from 6:00 p.m. until 11:00 p.m. Special events and changes happen, so be sure to check!

How late may I arrive at a play party?

New entrants may not arrive later than two hours before The Mark closes... so that's midnight for Friday/Saturday play parties and 9:00 p.m. for those on Sundays through Thursdays.

I want to help... Do you accept donations?

Yes, yes we do! As a legitimate Tennessee non-profit membership corporation, CPI will gladly accept your financial benevolence. If you care to use PayPal, you can send your donation straight to us at "donations@TheMarkByCPI.org". You can also include CPI in your will (and, if interested, one of our attorneys has provided us the proper legal language for you to do so!) Please note, however, that we are not a 501(c)(3) charity, so your giving is not tax-deductible.

I really want to help, but can't financially... What can I do?

CPI employs no paid staff or management... and The Mark is completely maintained and operated by an extensive team of volunteers. So, we are ALWAYS looking for help! Required volunteer trainings are held in January and July.

Can I rent The Mark for a party/social/meeting/wedding/photoshoot/music video?

Yes, we rent The Mark's play space and/or social space for all sorts of purposes in line with our mission, but only to current members in good standing. More information can be found in these posts: Renting the Play Space at The Mark for Private Play, Renting the Social Space at The Mark for Classes and Meetings, and Commercial Rentals of The Mark.

Inquiries for commercial rentals should be sent to rentals@TheMarkByCPI.org.

I have a great idea, a comment, a shout-out, a complaint, an observation, a spelling error, or whatever...

We want ALL of your feedback and have several ways for you to get your thoughts to us -- anonymously or not!

I am an educator, researcher, mental health professional, writer/journalist, or other professional... Who do I contact about CPI or The Mark for work purposes?

Please send such inquires to us at Info@TheMarkByCPI.org.